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Christmas Lunch, when home dramas mimic work dramas!

christmas-lunch-assertion-skillsAssertion skills at home and work?

Anxiety has just woken you up after a late night of last minute Christmas lunch preparations.

15 extra’s coming for lunch after you were selected again, to host the In-laws and other hangers on to partake of your Christmas hospitality.

You’ve just spent the last 5 days running around like a headless chook getting all the Christmas dinner requirements, extra chairs and trestle tables into the lounge room and hoping that no one leans back on the chair with the dodgy leg…“maybe give that one to uncle Phil’s newest snooty ‘friend” Cindy, you think”!

The younger kids have exploded from their rooms, bouncing off the hallway walls with wild excited eyes, you’re still amazed at how on this one day they can get up early, without you yelling at them “you’ll be late for school and make that damn bed”!

You direct them to wake up their father, knowing that he is just going to “love” being “bounced on” at this time of the morning.

But hey, I need help if I’m to entertain 15 extra people for lunch and dinner.

You feel your motivation starting to get sluggish.

Why am I doing this again, as your tummy knots up and anxiety takes hold?

Is this a bit like at the office, and you’re the only one in the whole supply chain business that organises everything…and its not even in your job description?

The kids Christmas pressies have been ripped open amid squeals of delight and few grunts of mild disaffection from the teenager who didn’t get the fully optioned tablet.

You make a start on clearing the lounge room of shredded Christmas wrapping paper, cardboard boxes, and soon to be missed instruction manuals!christmas-day-assertion-skills

…a bit like the constant mess your always clearing up in the  Distribution Centre office tearoom after the company executives have half finished their lunches.

Ever relaxed hubby, suggests jokingly about bringing the wheelie bin in to save time!

One steely eyed glare from you puts that little suggestion to a end…and what’s with the Corona before lunch your angrily thinking…there is a thousand things that have to occur before the In-law hordes sweep thru our house…and your not disappearing this time out the back with Uncle Desmond the family clown and legendary no hoper!

You’re in the kitchen, oven pumping out the heat like the local health club sauna, and you’re sweating like you just finished a pump class.

The Turkey is looking ok but your getting anxious and worried because your mother in law is just “sooooo nice” in the way she offers tips and critiques on your culinary skills in front of everyone.

…don’t choke on the turkey wishbone your old so and so, because I’ve conveniently forgotten how to do the Heimlich manoeuvre your thinking!”

….and you too Bob from Sales and Marketing, soup slurper and spill leaver ….. no power on my mobile phone next time you slip over and need emergency services.

You open your fridge.

“What are all these bottles doing in the fridge”,  you yell at your husband over the din of corny sounding Christmas carols and arguing youngsters.

“Get them out to the shed fridge”!

Obviously he knows that all these specially prepared salads, fresh prawns and cold cuts need refrigerating. “I don’t want to kill anyone” you think… well, “maybe just cull the in-laws down a little!”

Just like the brainless office culprit that leaves the office milk out overnight in summer, and who has to go out and get fresh supplies?

Not Jan the PA to the CPO, oh no, not her skill set she says.

Door bell rings,

“I’ll get it”,  yells hubby …a little too eagerly, you ponder.

It’s his older brother, his lazy wife and Uncle Des…the “cream” of his family….and their 2 hours early.

The inner tension rises!

The unmistakable clank of Champagne bottles and boxes of beer float past, out into the kiddie pool full of ice, followed by a half hearted “need any help”, from the “lazy one” as she keeps walking out.

You’re thinking, some things just don’t change as your anger creeps up to Defcon 3.

4 hours later you some how manage to get 20 people fed and watered

christmas-lunch-people-skillsYou even went all out and did a large traditional Christmas pud which took 2 months to make and mature, and then received unsolicited “feedback” from a select few VIP food critics” seated at the table.

Feeling angrier you walk into the kitchen with a tray load of dirty dishes.

You take in the sight of baking trays, mixing bowls, the carcass of a ravaged turkey and remains of slightly pongy prawn shells.

Never mind the view from the kitchen window of empty cans, cigar butts and oyster shells that have found their way into your flower and vege garden.

“Heathens”!

Tears form, as the enormity of what you still need to do …and not a helper in sight.

Flashbacks of sorting out the fortnightly Friday 5 pm Dispatch blunders …because reception mysteriously can’t get through to the Fulfilment and Dispatch support team.

Grrrrrr!

The last of them leave,

“lets do it again next year”, they yell out to hubby as they depart in a taxi.

You start to fall apart.

Hubby takes a detour thru the kitchen after he hears the crash of serving trays and a couple of choice expletives.

“What’s up ‘hon, your meant to be all happy and all Christmassy like”  he says that only a tipsy ignorant optimist can do, as he offers you a champagne flute and try’s to cuddle up and get all romantic like!

Suddenly the proverbial hits the fan, anger erupts like Mt Vesuvius on an off day, the frustration, and anger and resentment spew out like a lava flow from hell.

You spit out all sorts of home truths, starting with his mother, followed by his brother, uncle, his sister’s sleazy partner…..and on it goes.

The Finale is the best because you then turn on him like a ‘Balinese sunglasses stealing temple monkey who’s spotted a pair of raybans”!

You may know the outcome …No Happy Christmas celebration tonight!

Anger, confusion, crying, anxiety, bewilderment and resentment are a probably a few emotions that are running wild.

Did it have to end like this?

How many Christmas or Work functions have you been “encouraged” to have or organise?

Do you have difficulty in saying No, or asserting yourself?

Is your pattern to “suck it up”, get anxious, but then explode when it becomes too much, often to the bewilderment of those around you.

They thought you loved doing this stuff…’coz you never object.

How would it feel if you could confidently, politely and assertively say to those making demands of you, or “not puling their weight” to step up and help out.

Imagine having a successful heart felt conversation with your nearest and dearest about him helping around the house more with the chores and involvement with the kids.

What about the touchy subject of his family, and what you will and won’t tolerate from his family?

Imagine being able to say, “ no, this year it might be nice if someone else hosts the family function”.
What if you were able to learn assertion skills that you could transfer to all other areas of your life?

Like at Work?

How would it be, being able to negotiate that long overdue pay raise or reducing your hours to fit in with child care arrangements?

Or, next time your pressured to take on more thankless work try saying,“how about asking the HR team to organise the next work event,, I’ve done it forever and would like a break from it and it might be nice to have a fresh approach”.

Would learning Assertion and Communication techniques  be valuable work and life skills to have?

Maybe it’s time to check out what your logistics or supply chain company is offering in people skills learning and development and if not…might be time to make some enquiries on how to get it happening?

Have a safe and enjoyable end of year celebrations and a stress free Chrissy Lunch!

Chris Richardson

Productive Minds

www.productiveminds.com.au

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